Some Things are Worth Repeating

More and more frequently I have witnessed marriage after marriage take a nosedive. It's not just a saying; Pride... it really does come before a fall. I'm reposting a blog that I wrote earlier this year as I was watching one of my friends sabotage everything in the name of serving "self", while her family and friends stood by in shock and utter confusion. Please, open up to someone you trust today (preferably of the same gender) if you're having problems coping in your marriage...

------------------------------- 

Reprinted from "Marital Suicide", www.backacherfarm.com
Blogdate: 4/1/2011

This is one of those days where I really have no business talking about marriage. My own skills at being a wife today aren't looking so brilliant, but somehow I'm feeling tugged to write about the importance of marriage. This might seem trivial at first, but we're gonna go with the basics. I'm not going to say much just yet. Let this list of words speak for itself.

Marriage:

• a relationship in which two people have pledged themselves to each other as a husband and wife
• the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies

Vow:

• a solemn promise, pledge, or personal commitment
• to pledge or resolve solemnly to do, make, give, observe, etc

Commitment:

• a pledge or promise; obligation
• engagement; involvement

 To commit: 

• to bind or obligate, as by pledge or assurance; pledge: to commit oneself to a promise; to be committed to a course of action.
• to entrust, especially for safekeeping;
• to do; perform

Pledge: 

•  a solemn promise or agreement to do or refrain from doing something   

Promise:  

• a declaration that something will or will not be done, given, etc., by one
• an express assurance on which expectation is to be based
• to assure

 Faithful: 

• true to one's word, promises, vows, etc.
• reliable, trusted, or believed.
• steady in allegiance or affection; loyal; constant 

 Honor: 

• honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions
• to show a courteous regard for

 Devotion:

• profound dedication; consecration.

Cherish: 

• to care for tenderly; nurture
• to hold or treat as dear

 Submit:

• to defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision
• to yield oneself to the power or authority of another

 Obey: 

• to comply with or follow the commands, restrictions, wishes, or instructions of another

 Love: 

• affectionate concern for the well-being of others

Death:  

• the act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism.
• extinction; destruction

Now on the flip side of that... 

Divorce: 

• the undoing or breaking of a bond, tie, union, partnership, etc.

Dissolution:

• a bringing or coming to an end; disintegration; decay; termination.

 Forsake: 

• to quit or leave entirely; abandon; desert

 Selfishness:

• devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

Irreconcilable

• a person, especially a member of a group, who will not compromise, adjust, or submit
• one of two or more conflicting ideas or beliefs that cannot be brought into harmony
• a person or thing that is implacably hostile or uncompromisingly opposed

Sin: 

• a willful or deliberate violation of some religious or moral principle

Suicide: 

• destruction of one's own interests or prospects

Seems pretty obvious in black and white doesn't it?

I'm often torn when confronted with the issue of divorce. Is it right? Is it wrong? It's a "choice", it's a "decision" it's "unavoidable", whatever it is, it's a PROBLEM. My feelings are different than many Christian wives because I've been through a divorce. I felt shame, sadness, regret. I felt like I would never be forgiven because I must have done something wrong. I was defective. I felt like a shadow had been cast over the rest of my life, like I was worthless. Surely God could never accept all of me and all of my broken pieces, and if God couldn't, then how could another man? But I couldn't have been more wrong.

God has accepted me. God has put peace in my heart. God helped me see through hours of studying HIS word and discussions with my mentors, that my divorce was not a divorce of convenience, or by my stubborn will. It was not a separation made by my choice nor would it be a forever stain on my heart.

I was abandoned, I was left behind by a man who was not following Christ, I was left free. 

Free? 


FREE! 



1 Corinthians 7:15-16
But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? 

It wasn't instant. It wasn't all of the sudden, but through the years I have plainly heard the whisper of the Spirit stirring in my soul, "You can not save him. Only I can... go, and live your life. Love your children that I have blessed you with. Share your life with others. Join with another in this life, but only to glorify Me through your union. Share your story. Allow others to see your wounds, but even more importantly, allow them to see your healing.

My heart has slowly been healed. The gaping cracks and holes left there by what I thought was love, have been stitched together with the true words of our Heavenly Father. You are free. Live in peace.

This freedom in my heart comes from a loving God. The freedom to feel loved, to feel protected, and to feel right with my Creator. He has given me a new start.


To those who may be contemplating a divorce, wherever you are on your journey, I urge you to go back to the top of this list. Think about the reasons why you are making your decisions. Are they based on truth, or are they based on feelings? NO WHERE in the list above does it say anything about having mushy, squishy feelings about someone as the basis for being married. And quite honestly it doesn't say anything about Jesus in there either. I kept it that way on purpose for those who would use that as an argument. It's pretty simple that everything we have chosen to do up to this point is a CHOICE, and it's the same CHOICE that can bring you back into a marriage that your FEELINGS have pulled you away from. For me, choosing to follow Jesus meant a new marriage based out of mutual respect, honesty, accountability and choosing to love. As long as we choose to take care of each other, the mushy squishy stuff happens naturally. It's when we slack off, and choose a selfish path, that we find each other disagreeable. The bad feelings grow like weeds, tripping us up along the way.

Love is a choice, my dear ones. Honor is a choice. Devotion, faithfulness and promises. Serving the one you share a life with before you serve yourself. All are choices. I urge you not to commit marital suicide.What God has joined together, let no one separate - and that one, is you.
-------------------------


Now, go hug your spouse.

Self-Sufficiency: Use with Caution

I really appreciated the sermon message last Sunday. What I gleaned from the well-spoken words about independence, pride, and minding my own business, I shared with my good friends. Being independent can be a good thing, in moderation. And - when it's applied to the right areas of our lives. Please, do use the restroom by yourself. But please, don't think you can tackle a spiritual battle all by your lonesome, just because you're too worried about burdening others, or looking weak.

I live on a hobby farm. I'm surrounded by people and friends who feel that they are successful when they are able to grow and put away their own food for the winter, raise their own animals for meat or recycle and repurpose things to leave less of an impact on the earth. I'm all for self-sufficiency, but I feel that the whole move to be self-sufficient and lead simpler, more meaningful lives, can very easily swing too far in the other direction. This can cause many of us "simple folk" to become more self-sufficient in our relationships as well. We push other people away with the "I can do it myself!" toddler-type attitude, right before we stomp our feet and demand that we get our own way with our spouse, our family, or our friends. We don't ask for help when our marriages are struggling, because "good people shouldn't need help", or my favorite myth, "I don't want other people to think I'm angry at my husband, we're just having a hard time." Well hello? Don't you think people will find out you and your husband are angry about something when one of you no longer lives at home and your kids are in therapy? What a terrible price to pay for being prideful.

Just recently, I learned of yet another marriage that has been hit by the dominoes of destruction that Satan is playing with. This was a marriage ceremony that I attended with my husband, Bryan, before we were even married. My thoughts were nothing but positive, I felt that if any marriage was destined to be happy and long-lived, then this was the one. I have loved these two people for years, and my love for them now is the kind of love I would want others to have for me. Knowing that they have chosen, in whatever way, to live apart has shaken my world to the core. I feel devastated, hurt, deceived and... strangely responsible. I'm not sure what to do with that feeling, because I know that it's not my job to make decisions for people, or to get between a husband and a wife relationship, but how can I get a better handle on things like this?

Striving for self-sufficiency can be beneficial. Try raising some chickens, or sewing a quilt. Don't let your self-sufficient mindset take the form of selfish pride.

Welcome to my Heart

Hello new readers, and people who have ventured over from the other side of my life.
I have some posts in the works that aren't ready to be published yet. Sometimes I find myself spewing forth the emotions and the thoughts in the most raw form and they almost always need a little finish work, a bit of sanding of the rough edges, before I feel comfortable having them absorbed by someone who could be easily hurt or harmed by my words.

My plan is to relocate a few of my past blogs over to this location so that the topics I'm collecting are in one place. It's possible that I may just post a link to the location of what is on my heart at any given time as well.

I am anxious to get these posts on here and I'm so happy that you're here to see what I have to say!